Every choice moves us closer to or farther away from something. Where are your choices taking your life? What do your behaviors demonstrate that you are saying yes or no to in life? – Eric Allenbaugh
Where do you want to be? Where are your choices taking you? Share in the comments below.
In the last couple of weeks I gave a couple of examples of what looking away might look like for you when networking and looking away by looking toward something else.
What is another way to notice where you’re looking away?
It requires attention, patience and love.
Attention
Notice where you stop. Where do you distract yourself? Where do you say “that’s just me” or “it wasn’t meant to be” or anything like that?
It doesn’t mean that it’s not true, but sometimes we move on too quickly without taking a moment to see if there’s something more there. Without asking am I looking away?
Patience
Be patient and kind with yourself.
Noticing where you’re looking away will not immediately cause you to stop.
It’s a process and not a switch you can just turn off or on.
Allow yourself time to notice it again and again. You’ll start noticing it sooner and be in the position to chose a different way to act. Said another way, you’ll be able to look at it longer and move through it.
Love
Chances are that looking away has served you well in the past – perhaps as a child you learned it was best not to ask questions or challenge adults.
Love and thank that part of you that looked after you so well for so long.
And lovingly, but firmly, tell it that you’ve got this now and can handle it (again, it’s a process, you’ll do this over and over again).
Support (bonus step and important)
Finally, allow yourself to be supported.
This process can leave you feeling raw and/or wanting to talk with someone. Hire a coach, join a mastermind of people doing similar internal work – find what works for you AND engage in the process with them.
I have no question to leave you with today. This is highly personal work. So, I invite you to share whatever you’d like in the comments below.
The last two weeks we’ve looked at “looking away” here and here.
This week the theme continues!
Looking away sometimes looks like looking toward something else.
For example, you want to call that person you met networking earlier this week to set up a coffee meeting next week.
But then you remember these other things that have to be done before next week and you get to work.
Suddenly, it’s too late to make a phone call (I call this productive procrastination).
Did things get done that needed to get done?
Yes.
Did the phone call happen?
No.
Sometimes we distract ourselves with tasks – with those important to-do’s that simply must get done.
And when we take a step back, take a higher level view, we realize that the phone call probably would have taken under 5 minutes to make (maybe 10 if you prepped for it) and we certainly could have squeezed that time in (after all, how much time did you spend looking at unimportant emails or checking Facebook?).
While this example includes procrastination, looking away by looking toward something else doesn’t always appear that way.
It might be more subtle – reading or jumping into a conversation instead of taking some time to yourself to contemplate or changing the subject when a difficult topic comes up.
What do you find yourself looking towards when you might actually be looking away? Share in the comments below.
Last week I gave you space to contemplate where you might be looking away. If you haven’t read it or taken some time to reflect, you can find last week’s article here.
This week let’s look at one of places you might be looking away: your networking.
I bet you’ve done it.
I know I have and most people do.
It most often happens in that uncomfortable moment when you part from the person you were talking with, or when the meeting is over and people are getting up and connecting with each other.
You’re alone with no one to talk to and you look away – and at your phone.
Looking away isn’t always as obvious as looking at your phone, but it is one way we quickly and easily look away when networking.
We don’t want to feel uncomfortable and the phone is an easy distraction from that feeling. And it can also make us unapproachable, others don’t want to interrupt.
Why does this situation feel uncomfortable to you and how can you be present to it and move past it? When you do this what does it open you up for?
My challenge to you is to not do this at your next networking event.
I’d love to know your thoughts and opinions around this! Share in the comments below.
I’ve been thinking about the topic of “looking away” for almost two weeks. It’s shown up for me in many places and I’ve wanted to write about it here.
So, we’ll be exploring this topic for the next couple weeks.
This week let’s look at what I mean by “looking away.”
It’s those places in your life or business that are uncomfortable to look at for too long, for whatever reason.
Looking away from conversations, actions, events, beliefs or even people allows us to stay comfortable or at least know what to expect (which might not be exactly comfortable, but can feel more comfortable than the unknown).
Looking away can also mean we plateau, don’t grow or don’t become more of what we really want.
Today I want to give you space to fill in what it looks like for you without my interpretations or ideas of where you might look away.
What do you notice you look away from?
