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Appreciation – How Do You Get More?

by EvieBurke, posted in you get what you give

I was listening to the radio the other day and someone was complaining about not being appreciated by her boss. She felt that things at work would be a lot more enjoyable if her boss genuinely appreciated her and her coworkers.

I can relate. Most of us probably can. Whether it’s a boss or someone else, we all want to be appreciated on occasion.

Hearing this woman on the radio (that could have so easily been me at one point), I wondered two things:

1.  Does she appreciate her boss?

We teach people how to treat us. One way we do that is by treating them how we would like to be treated. Want to be treated with respect, treat others with respect. Want to be treated with care and compassion, treat others with care and compassion.

2.  Does she appreciate herself?

The other way we teach people how to treat us is by how we treat ourselves. Want to be treated with respect, treat yourself with respect. Want to be treated with care and compassion, treat yourself with care and compassion.

Other people do not automatically know how you want to be treated. Our own behaviors give others insight to that. So, next time you find yourself wishing for a different behavior or treatment from someone, take it as an opportunity to learn about yourself and ask:

  1. Do I treat others that way?
  2. Do I treat myself that way?

Goals, Setbacks and Roses

by EvieBurke, posted in Goals

Pink RoseI watched “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” the other day. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s a fun kid’s movie starring Dick Van Dyke. The song that I particularly noticed the words to was sung by Lionel Jeffries (he plays the grandfather). Some of the lyrics go like this:

So every time you stumble never grumble.
Next time you’ll bumble even less!
For up from the ashes, up from the ashes, grow the roses of success!

Last time I watched the movie, I noticed these lines too. I love that this song reminds us that when we don’t to reach our goals on the first try, it’s perfectly fine, because you’ll know what not to do next time and have a better chance at success.

I know it’s something I have to remind myself of. One setback or failure doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t try again. It doesn’t mean that I can’t reach the goal. And if you have a setback or a failure, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try again either.

Later the song it points out:

Disaster didn’t stymie Louis Pasteur! No sir!
Edison took years to see the light! Right!

Depending on which number you believe, it took Edison 1,000 to 10,000 tries to invent the light bulb. And he’s reported as saying:

I have not failed 1,000 times. I have successfully discovered 1,000 ways to NOT make a light bulb.

Whatever your goal is, you can do it. Setbacks are opportunities to learn what doesn’t work for you and give you a better chance at success next time. Also, remember you have resources around you for help. Resources can come in the form of books, websites and people. If you need help or are stuck let me know!

What resources do you use when you have a setback?

You can go here to see a clip of the song.
Photo credit: Pink rose without frame by Candie_N via flickr

Is Your Path to Happiness Blocked?

by EvieBurke, posted in Being Happy, Happiness
Path Blocked

A show I LOVED to watch in the 90’s was Daria. I re-watched it recently and was thinking about this exchange in the episode called “The Teachings of Don Jake.” (If you haven’t heard of Daria, or don’t remember this episode, that’s OK, it will make sense.)

Daria and her father Jake are hiking down a trail and it splits into two paths. One path is blocked with a sign reading “DANGER! TRAIL WASHED OUT.”

Jake – Look at that, Daria: a fork in the trail. If you go one way, you can’t go the other.

Daria – This is going to depress me, isn’t it?

Jake – This way over here leads to an entry-level job. A little bit of money in your pocket. Soon, you’re wearing a suit and tie every day like all the other faceless saps, living in a boring little house in a bland little town, and doing so well you’re in debt up to your disappearing hair! That’s where that trail leads, Daria.

Daria – I guess that other trail is the one that leads to personal and spiritual satisfaction. That’s why they don’t want you to take it.

Jake – Dammit, Daria! You’re brilliant!

(Jake climbs over sign and walks down closed trail)

Do you ever feel like Jake? Do you feel the path to being happy at work or at home was (or is) blocked off to you? And while you’re going down the main path with everyone else, do you wonder how you got there?

I remember looking around my cubicle after one particularly hard day at work and wondering how the heck I did I end up here? I was supposed to be in a job that made me happy, not one that paid the bills but left me with no energy at the end of the day and dreading every phone call.

Sometimes when we’re in the thick of it, we can’t see the way out. We just see the next obstacle, the next bump or bolder in our path. This is especially when we need to stop and take a step back.

Here are four things you can do when you find yourself completely frustrated at work and need a bit of a boost:

  • Breath – sit up straight, close your eyes and breathe deeply for 3-4 breaths.
  • Change the Scenery – Get up and walk around for five minutes or at least get a glass of water.
  • Remember – Why did you take this job? What did you like about it?
  • Review – What do you like about your job now? How can you do more of what you like and less of what you don’t? You might want to talk with your boss or supervisor about shifting some of your work (you’ll be more productive working on the things you like).

What do you do when you find yourself in the thick of it and stuck?

Photo credit: Mudslide blocks Burke-Gilman Trail by ebis50 via flickr

Do I Have A Bad Day If You Do?

by EvieBurke, posted in attitude

I watched a YouTube video earlier today about a guy who was riding his bicycle and got called a name by a guy in a passing truck. He talked about how he immediately wondered what he was doing wrong that caused this. Did he act wrong, was he dressed wrong? What was it he did wrong?

Have you ever had a similar experience? Someone says something unkind and you wonder what you did wrong to cause that reaction. I think that’s a fairly normal response. Put your hand on the stove and it’s going to get burned, cut a guy off in traffic and you might see with a few interesting gestures made in your direction, cause and effect right?

Back to the video, he wondered what he did wrong for a while before realizing: He didn’t do anything wrong. Whatever caused the guy in the truck to call him a name had nothing to do with him and everything to do with the guy in the truck.

We often forget that just as we see the world through our own experiences, everyone else sees the world through their own, different set of experiences. Someone calls you a name from their truck, and we automatically review ourselves at that moment to find out what we were doing wrong. We only have that brief interaction and our own actions to review, and we forget that the person in the truck, who’s being rude, is perhaps living their life by completely different rules and had a completely different day.

Or at work, we make a small mistake and find ourselves in the boss’s office being reprimanded for how we handled it. We don’t understand why this small mistake warrants such a severe response. Maybe we get upset or maybe we quickly brush it off. Either way, we forget that the boss is looking at it through a different set of experiences.

As you go through your day, remember that everyone is making the best decisions they can, based on what their experiences have taught them.

Unfortunately, some people’s experiences have taught them that when they are feeling bad, they feel better if they share that bad feeling with others and that it’s perfectly okay to do that (for the record, it’s not).

So, how do we handle it if we end up on the receiving end?

  1. Realize that it’s not really about you. It’s about the other person and brush it off.
  2. If you can’t brush it off, get help in whatever form you need it.

What do you do when you’re on the receiving end of someone’s bad day?

If you’re interested, you can watch the video here.

Easy Fixes and Comfort Zones

by EvieBurke, posted in comfort zone

Ever want an easy fix? To feel or be a different way instantly, because you know that things would be better then. Or to automatically be one month or two years in the future, because then you’ll have already dealt with the stuff that you’re going through now. That would be great, right?

I used to feel like that a lot. If it would just be next month or next year then this problem will be past, this issue will be dealt with, or this person will be different. Heck, I was feeling like that a couple weeks ago when I realized I had to take a definite step out of my comfort zone to continue moving forward.

And the uncomfortableness of stepping outside our comfort zone is really what wanting a situation to be past is really about, isn’t it? It’s scary to move outside of our experience, our safety zone.

There’s a funny thing about those things that we want to quickly move by: they help us grow. They move us toward something. They prepare us for our next opportunities.

Those things that we want to be over, so the uncomfortableness will be past, get added to our ever growing list of experiences and something odd happens – we’re no longer as uncomfortable with that experience. Our comfort zone has expanded to include that new experience that we just wanted to jump over.  And we’re presented with a new experience that’s outside our comfort zone.

Life is a growing experience.

Think about where you are experiencing this in your life and ask yourself these questions:

  • Have I ever done something like that in the past?
    • If so, how can I apply that experience here?
    • If not, what resources (people, books, websites, etc.) are available to me to help me out?

The questions are to help you find the resources you need to work through that situation just outside your comfort zone. Whether it’s a presentation, a project, or a conversation, use the tools available to you!

Once you know what resources you can use and perhaps have started using them, create a step by step plan – calling someone can be a step, but if you don’t know their number, that is its own step.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it.