Tag: attitude

Do I Have A Bad Day If You Do?

by EvieBurke, posted in attitude

I watched a YouTube video earlier today about a guy who was riding his bicycle and got called a name by a guy in a passing truck. He talked about how he immediately wondered what he was doing wrong that caused this. Did he act wrong, was he dressed wrong? What was it he did wrong?

Have you ever had a similar experience? Someone says something unkind and you wonder what you did wrong to cause that reaction. I think that’s a fairly normal response. Put your hand on the stove and it’s going to get burned, cut a guy off in traffic and you might see with a few interesting gestures made in your direction, cause and effect right?

Back to the video, he wondered what he did wrong for a while before realizing: He didn’t do anything wrong. Whatever caused the guy in the truck to call him a name had nothing to do with him and everything to do with the guy in the truck.

We often forget that just as we see the world through our own experiences, everyone else sees the world through their own, different set of experiences. Someone calls you a name from their truck, and we automatically review ourselves at that moment to find out what we were doing wrong. We only have that brief interaction and our own actions to review, and we forget that the person in the truck, who’s being rude, is perhaps living their life by completely different rules and had a completely different day.

Or at work, we make a small mistake and find ourselves in the boss’s office being reprimanded for how we handled it. We don’t understand why this small mistake warrants such a severe response. Maybe we get upset or maybe we quickly brush it off. Either way, we forget that the boss is looking at it through a different set of experiences.

As you go through your day, remember that everyone is making the best decisions they can, based on what their experiences have taught them.

Unfortunately, some people’s experiences have taught them that when they are feeling bad, they feel better if they share that bad feeling with others and that it’s perfectly okay to do that (for the record, it’s not).

So, how do we handle it if we end up on the receiving end?

  1. Realize that it’s not really about you. It’s about the other person and brush it off.
  2. If you can’t brush it off, get help in whatever form you need it.

What do you do when you’re on the receiving end of someone’s bad day?

If you’re interested, you can watch the video here.

Ugh! Another Meeting

by EvieBurke, posted in attitude, Complaining
This is the second of three posts in a series (the first).

There was a time of my life when I absolutely dreaded being called into someone’s office, because it generally meant one of three things:

  1. I was going to be given more work to do (I already had too much to do and not enough time to do it).
  2. I was going to sit through a meeting that wasn’t going to do anything for me other than take time away from my other tasks.
  3. I was going to be “yelled at” for something falling through the cracks because I was working on other higher priority issues and now this thing was the high priority.

No option was something I wanted to spend my time on.

This is the second of three posts where I’ll go through one option and review how I reacted and an alternate that might have made me (and the people around me happier).

2. I was going to sit through a meeting that wasn’t going to do anything for me than take time away from my other tasks.

How I reacted:
My thoughts upon learning I would be in a meeting were generally along the lines of: Ugh! Another meeting that I have to sit through when I could be doing something productive! Why do I need to waste my time there? I don’t have anything useful to contribute, and if I do it will be dismissed. And even though it’s only scheduled to take 30 minutes, it’ll go for at least 45, because they won’t start until everyone’s there and that will take at least ten minutes. And that’s if we don’t sit waiting for someone for a bit and then get told that they’re stuck in some other meeting or on a support call, and then we get to go through the whole process again! Ugh! Why can’t I just stay at my desk and get my stuff done?

An alternate:
First, spending time waiting for people to show up at a meeting can be really frustrating. However, one thing that never crossed my mind was that I was late pretty often too, or couldn’t make it, due to another meeting running long or being on a support call. Some how though, that was acceptable behavior for me, but not for others. I don’t think I realized that I was contributing to the same behavior that I found so frustrating. In this case, I could have acknowledged that I was frustrated and perhaps noted my own contribution to it and then moved on to something else.

I also automatically assumed that my opinion would be dismissed. When you make a suggestion or share an opinion with the thought in your head that it’s going to be dismissed, other people pick up on that. Why should they spend time exploring a suggestion that you don’t believe in? However, when you believe in your suggestion, that confidence is shown in your tone and body language. Others are much more likely to spend time exploring a suggestion they can tell you have confidence in.

While I was in meetings I was so absorbed with thinking about the things that I needed to get done at my desk that I wasn’t paying very close attention to the meeting. So, of course I wasn’t getting a lot out of the meeting or contributing to it! When I went into the meetings with an open and positive mind (meaning I wasn’t walking in saying “this is a waste of my time”) I got more out of the meetings, contributed more and occasionally (shh, don’t tell anyone) had fun! And when I went in with that attitude, waiting for ten minutes for a meeting to happen wasn’t so frustrating. Instead, I was able to talk with people I might not see on a regular basis and catch up with them. And if the meeting didn’t happen, it felt more like a nice break then a waste of my time.

What you expect, you get. When I expected an experience that wasted my time and was frustrating, I pretty much always got it. And when I expected an experience that would be useful and helpful to me (and maybe even fun), I pretty much always got that too. The people and the meetings didn’t really change, but what I expected out of the meetings did change.

What are your thoughts on this?

What! More Work?

by EvieBurke, posted in attitude, Complaining

There was a time of my life when I absolutely dreaded being called into someone’s office, because it generally meant one of three things:

  1. I was going to be given more work to do (I already had too much to do and not enough time to do it).
  2. I was going to sit through a meeting that wasn’t going to do anything for me other than take time away from my other tasks.
  3. I was going to be “yelled at” for something falling through the cracks because I was working on other higher priority issues and now this thing was the high priority.

No option was something I wanted to spend my time on.

In this and the next two posts I’ll go through one option and review how I reacted and an alternate that might have made me (and the people around me happier).

1. I was going to be given more work to do (and I already had too much to do and not enough time to do it).

How I reacted:
My outward reaction depended on who was giving me the task. If it was someone I felt fairly comfortable with I might let them know that I was frustrated I was getting additional projects or tasks. If it wasn’t someone I felt comfortable with I’d say “Ok”, get any details I needed and head back to my cube. In either case I was annoyed and frustrated that something else was being “dumped” on me.

I also wondered if anyone actually appreciated the work I got done, because it felt like as soon as I got something done I got two or three more things to do. I felt punished for getting work done in a timely manner sometimes.

An alternate:
Instead of being upset and complaining to myself that things were being “dumped” on me. I could have made a request to that something else be taken of my plate or a deadline be moved. I was extremely reluctant to speak up for myself because I was sure I would be shot down. The biggest problem with thinking like this is that I never tried so I can’t actually say what would have happened.

This also ties into not complaining. Complaining lowers your energy, both mentally and physically. I spent so much time complaining about what I was doing and what I had left to do that I wasn’t putting as much attention into what I was working on.

Also, take a look at the language I was using. I felt “dumped” on. Of course I wasn’t going to be happy doing whatever task was just assigned to me! Changing my language to a more neutral tone would have made a difference. Instead of saying a task got dumped on me, I could have just as easily said I have a new task.

As for being appreciated, I found very little of what I was doing to be “fun,” so I wanted to be appreciated for all the “not fun” things I was doing. Well, no one was going to pat me on the head and say good job every time I did something that was my job to do. I don’t mean that harshly, it’s just the truth. Another truth is if you go into something dreading it and thinking about all the other things you’d rather be doing (things like not being at work), then you’re not going to enjoy what you’re doing.

The ironic thing is that I wasn’t appreciating what I was accomplishing each day. If I’m not appreciating what I’m getting done, why would someone else? Taking 30 seconds after completing a task to allow myself to feel a sense of accomplishment could have made a big difference.

What would you recommend someone do in a situation like this? Let me know in the comments.

Photo credit: Just working with some…FRUSTRATION! by [ jeremy ] via flickr

Your Inner Three Year Old

by EvieBurke, posted in attitude

I heard someone say the other day that we all need to embrace our inner three year old. Now, before you run off to start drawing on walls and take your afternoon nap, I don’t think that’s what he meant (although I could occasionally use an afternoon nap). If you have young kids, or have spent any time with them, you know that the world is really exciting to them.  Many of their experiences are brand new and exciting. They take everything in (even the stuff you wish they wouldn’t) with fresh eyes and aren’t afraid to ask questions.

Today and this weekend look at the world through the eyes of a three year old.  Look at people and places like they’re brand new to you and a wonderful experience.  And when you have a question, ask it without worrying if it’s appropriate.

In the comments, tell me what everyday things become magical when looking at it with the eyes of a three year old.

Lottery ticket

What if You Won the Lottery?

by EvieBurke, posted in attitude

Lottery ticketI used to come home after work and be completely exhausted. At the time my total commute time each day was just over an hour and a half and I generally had been at work for 9-10 hours. I’d get home and just want to sit in front of the TV or computer and veg out. I was talking to someone recently that is in a similar situation, but she is aware that the fatigue she’s feeling is mostly in her head. She pointed out that if someone were to call her while she was tired and vegging out and tell her that she just won the lottery she would suddenly have LOTS of energy! And nothing but her attitude would have changed.

Being aware that you have the power to change how you feel is a great first step toward doing it. I know that for me, I can know I have the power to change my attitude and still find it really difficult to do. I know that sometimes I really enjoyed wallowing in it. I enjoyed the woe-is-me place because I didn’t have to do a lot there. I got to sit on my butt and watch TV because, dang it, I deserved it after the crappy day I had and besides, I was just soooo tired!

So, what are somethings you can do to change that I’m-too-tired feeling?

  • Give yourself permission to have that feeling for 10 minutes. Set a timer if that helps you and then get up and do something else (or move on to one of the other suggestions below”
  • What is one thing that you want to accomplish? Go and do that.
  • Go for a walk or get some exercise. It’ll get your blood moving!
  • Get more sleep! Go to bed earlier or get up a little later
  • Drink more water. Being tired could be a sign that you’re not getting enough water.
  • Eat something. Maybe you’re blood sugar is low.

What are somethings that you do to re-energize yourself like you won the lottery?