Most every blog post you’ll come across here has something to do with changes or ideas, big or small, that you can use. Don’t get me wrong, it’s all great advice (I’ll admit I’m a bit biased). I also feel like there’s something else to say though, that there’s something missing. And that’s: You’re OK exactly where you are. You’re not broken. You don’t need to be fixed. If you want to make changes, great! Find the tools, resources and people to help you. Just remember you’re not broken and you never were.
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What Would Make You Happy?
What would give you the most happiness right now?
Is it something that you can do right now? Well, why aren’t you doing it?
Is it something you can do later today? Yes? Then make plans to do it! Wait, you’re saying your day is filled – you simply don’t have time today, or even tomorrow to do it. Really? Are you sure? Are you putting yourself last on the priority list?
Or is it something that you won’t be able to do for quite a while – something you need to save for or wait for?
I ask because too often we answer questions like “what would give you the most happiness right now?” with things we can’t accomplish in a day or even over the course of a week. Or we answer with things we can’t control at all. Sometimes we answer with “I’d be happy right now if:”
- I weighed 20 pounds less
- I wasn’t in debt
- my boss was more understanding
- gas was less expensive
- it was less humid and 80 degrees out
- I was on vacation somewhere
Let’s take a look at these responses.
I’d be happy if I weighed 20 pounds less or I wasn’t in debt.
Items one and two are goals you have some control over, but you can’t achieve those goals in one day or a week. If your goal is like one of these two you can approach it a couple of ways:
- What small step can I do this week that will take me closer to that goal? For example, you could find out which gyms are close to you and what their hours and fees are, or create a budget with a debt plan.
- Who do I get to be when I reach that goal? How do I feel? What small thing can I do this week to be closer to that? What other things can I do to feel that way? Maybe at the lower weight you aren’t ashamed of your body – how does that show up in your day? Do you avoid certain activities? Maybe you can create a mantra and attend one of those activities this week.
I’d be happy if my boss was more understanding, or gas was less expensive, or it was less humid and 80 degrees out.
Items three, four and five are goals that you have no control over. You can’t control your boss, gas prices or the weather no matter how hard you try or how much you wish you could. In these situations:
- How can I behave differently in those situations so I am happier? Maybe you can take a deep breath and decide not to get upset with your boss, find a way to drive less so you don’t have to get gas as often, or find activities that you can enjoy in the current weather.
- What can I be grateful for in this situation? Perhaps you’re grateful that your boss is a wonderful problem solver, that there is gas available (or maybe you get good gas mileage), or that the sun is out.
I’d be happy if I was on vacation somewhere.
If you said something like item five then you’re probably not taking enough, if any, time for yourself in a normal week. We all need to recharge our batteries and take time for ourselves. It’s not selfish and our families will survive without us (yes, you might need a babysitter) – oh, and our coworkers or clients will be OK too. Take some time this week to do something that recharges your batteries. Maybe that’s a walk by yourself, lunch with a friend, a movie (alone or with a friend) or whatever it is that gives you some time to relax and take care of yourself.
So, what would give you the most happiness right now?
Photo credit: Happy Puppy! by B Rosen via flickr
Should Do and Want To, but Won’t
Have you ever been in a situation where you felt you should do something, but maybe you didn’t really want to? Or the reverse, where you felt you shouldn’t do something, but you really did want to?
Wanting to do something feels a lot better than feeling like we should do something. When I read a book I want to read, I get a lot more out of the experience and generally enjoy it more. When I read a book I feel I should read, it takes a really long time for me to read and I don’t enjoy the book as much. That experience between want’s and should’s is pretty universal.
How about when you don’t want to do something? If you don’t want to do something and you do anyway you won’t get as much out of the experience, right? Well, yes and no. There are a lot of things that I don’t want to do (on some level) that I do anyway because the reason I don’t want to do it is that it’s outside of my comfort zone (for more on that read this post).
I recently found myself with an opportunity to do something that I felt I should do and I wanted to do it, but I had little energy for it (I was tired just thinking about it). I reviewed my energy for this opportunity from many different angles. Was it outside my comfort zone somehow? Was I being fueled by rivalry? Was I trying to prove something to someone? Was I worried about what other people would think?
I finally decided to sit down and prepare for this opportunity. The words wouldn’t come. I sat for a while and had many feelings that I wanted to convey, but no words to express them.
That’s when I quieted myself and listened to my gut (or intuition). I learned that I wasn’t ready for this opportunity at this time. That’s why I had low energy for it. And I realized that while this specific opportunity would never be available again, I can share with a portion of that audience in other ways in the future, when I am ready and there is energy for it.
When you find yourself in a place where the should’s and want to’s meet, but have no energy or enthusiasm for the task don’t forget to check your gut or intuition. What does that say you should do?
Photo credit: Thinking RFID by @boetter via flickr
How Do I Check My Intuition?
Have an important decision to make? Check your intuition!
Need to know what you should do next? What does your intuition say about it?
You hear people say to trust your intuition, but how do you know what your intuition is telling you about that decision?
One way to tap into your intuition to help you make decisions is to think about two situations:
Situation 1: Think about a person, place, thing, or situation that made (or makes) you feel completely engaged, happy or at home. Think about what you felt emotionally, physically and mentally.
Situation 2: Think about a person, place or thing that made (or makes) you feel completely out of your element and uncomfortable. Think about what you felt emotionally, physically and mentally.
Now, think about the decision you want to make. If you decide yes, how does it feel? Does it feel more like situation 1 or situation 2? If you decide no, how does it feel?
For example, let’s say you want to determine if you should go to an event or not. When you think about going to the event, does it feel more like situation 1 or 2? I can usually tell by the feeling in my stomach or back. The feeling in both places is different for each situation.
How do you tap into your intuition to make decisions?
A couple of things to point out:
- The above technique is very similar to Martha Beck’s “Shackles Off/On” technique in her book “Steering By Starlight.”
- If you want some additional ways to tap into your intuition check out this post on Angela Artemis’ blog Powered by Intuition.
Photo credit: Peace by kudumomo via flickr
Appreciation – How Do You Get More?
I was listening to the radio the other day and someone was complaining about not being appreciated by her boss. She felt that things at work would be a lot more enjoyable if her boss genuinely appreciated her and her coworkers.
I can relate. Most of us probably can. Whether it’s a boss or someone else, we all want to be appreciated on occasion.
Hearing this woman on the radio (that could have so easily been me at one point), I wondered two things:
1. Does she appreciate her boss?
We teach people how to treat us. One way we do that is by treating them how we would like to be treated. Want to be treated with respect, treat others with respect. Want to be treated with care and compassion, treat others with care and compassion.
2. Does she appreciate herself?
The other way we teach people how to treat us is by how we treat ourselves. Want to be treated with respect, treat yourself with respect. Want to be treated with care and compassion, treat yourself with care and compassion.
Other people do not automatically know how you want to be treated. Our own behaviors give others insight to that. So, next time you find yourself wishing for a different behavior or treatment from someone, take it as an opportunity to learn about yourself and ask:
- Do I treat others that way?
- Do I treat myself that way?