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Is Happiness a Butterfly Just Beyond Your Grasp?

by EvieBurke, posted in Happiness

You’re busy right? You run all day. At work you’re getting as much done as you can in as little time as you can, then you rush home and do the same thing, just different tasks.

I completely get that – I’ve been there and lived that life. And at some point you accidently get a moment to yourself and you wonder if this is really what your life is supposed to look like or maybe it just hits you one day.

So, what’s the first thing you do? Try to figure out how to get more time! If I get my all my tasks done faster, then I’ll have more time to do other things, right? So, you get a book about organizing (I have Getting Things Done on my bookshelf) and maybe find a blog or two on the subject and start implementing. Then one of two things probably happens:

  1. You get organized and start getting more done faster, but spend the extra time you gained cranking through more to-do’s
  2. Getting organized the way the books or blogs tell you to is a huge time investment in itself that you don’t have to spend and you feel a bit like you let yourself down.

Notice that in both scenarios you didn’t create time for you.

Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. – Nathaniel Hawthorne

Happiness doesn’t need you to make elaborate plans to find it. Often when you create a little space in your day it will find you. Take 10 minutes today to be alone and do nothing. One of my mentors once said that she spent 10 minutes each day being bored. At first she had to force herself. She’d set a timer for 10 minutes and throw herself on her couch and do nothing until the timer went off.

Was she happier during those 10 minutes then during the rest of the day? I’d wager a no on that one, but it did allow her to feel what it was like to slow down and not be running on adrenaline. Sure you get an endorphin rush when you’re running on adrenaline, but it tires you out! You’ll actually be more productive when you’re working from a place of calm then from constant adrenaline.

Happiness is where we find it, but rarely where we seek it. – J. Petit Senn

When you slow down you start to notice more things around you (less tunnel vision). And then, happiness might just find you where you are and you won’t need to look for it.

What is one thing you can do in the next week to allow yourself to slow down?

Photo credit: 318/365 – drafting drafting drafting. by b rosen via flickr

It Depends on Where You’re Sitting

by EvieBurke, posted in perspective

I was at an event last weekend with singers and a band. One of the songs they sang included the words “move to the left” and “move to the right.” Of course, when they sang those parts all the singers moved left and right with the words. However, they were facing the audience so when they moved left it was our right and it looked off.

We each view things from our own perspective. I think I’m going left, but from where you sit it looks like I’m going right. And the interesting thing is – we’re both correct.

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” – Anais Nin

Where can you use this insight in your life?

What She Did Right

by EvieBurke, posted in attitude, Complaining, Happiness

I was talking with someone going through a difficult time at work recently, let’s call her Jane. Jane explained how unhappy she was at work and talked about the long hours she was putting in. She also shared that she was taking this as an opportunity to learn about herself. She said she found strengths she previously didn’t know she had and is learning how important boundaries are. She shared this information as the ground work for figuring out what she can do so she doesn’t feel completely drained at the end of the day.

Jane did a lot right with this situation. Here are four things that I observed:

She didn’t blame anyone.

Jane could have very easily blamed her long hours and unhappiness on her co-workers or boss or even herself, but she didn’t. She knew that her situation wasn’t specifically one person’s fault. It was the result of a lot of different things.

When things aren’t going well at work it can be easy to place the blame on a boss or co-worker. I know a common thought I had when things weren’t going well at work was along the lines of “well if so-and-so had just done x then I wouldn’t be having problem y.” I would forget that so-and-so had their own set of responsibilities and work to deal with and my top priorities were not necessarily their top priorities. And, generally, so-and-so doing x wasn’t really a reasonable request (because of their job or personality).

Sometimes the person hardest on you is you. While it’s important to take responsibility for your actions, beating yourself up about a situation isn’t helpful. And usually there isn’t one specific action that’s responsible for being frustrated or unhappy with work.

She didn’t complain about her situation, she shared where she was, then moved on to what she wanted from the conversation.

The energy of complaining is different than that of sharing. Jane shared enough of the situation help me understand what was going on and then moved on to what she wanted from the conversation. She didn’t dwell on what wasn’t working or her unhappiness. She was focused on moving past those things.

Sometimes when things aren’t going well all you want to do is complain about what’s going on, because you think that will make you feel better. Complaining won’t make you feel better, you’re going to have the same problems you had before and you just might make yourself more frustrated with the situation by complaining. If you’re looking for help on the issue and need to share your complaint to give the full picture, great! Just don’t spend all your time there – focus on moving forward.

She selectively shared her situation with others.

Jane had a couple of ideas about what she could do about her situation and also valued others thoughts, but was selective about who she shared it with. She didn’t share with people who would want to focus on how frustrating it was. Instead she shared with people she knew she could trust, would understand her situation, ask important questions and explore her options with her.

When you find yourself in a frustrating situation talk to your friends, mentor or coach who won’t focus on what’s going wrong, but on how to make more go right. It was clear at the end of our conversation that Jane was feeling a lot better about her situation. While if she had found people to complain with, she would have left more frustrated than when she started.

She looked for and found lessons in her situation

Jane recognized that even though she wasn’t thrilled with her situation she could learn from it. Sometimes when we’re going through a difficult time, we forget to look for the lessons we can learn from it. Jane saw the silver lining in her difficulties: she’s learning to set boundaries and saying no more often, both things she’s had problems with in the past.

What do you do when you are frustrated or unhappy with a recurring situation (like work)?

Photo credit: Implicit Smile by janoma.cl via flickr

Not Feeling Inspired?

by EvieBurke, posted in inspiration

I was thinking about the post with WheezyWaiter’s video talking about inspiration.

“If you want to create something and you’re not feeling inspired, take a closer look as to why that is or just ignore it and start doing stuff” – Craig Benzine

This came up because I was having a hard time coming up with a topic for this post. I couldn’t think of anything to write about and wanted to move on to something else. Basically, I wasn’t feeling inspired.

I remembered feeling similarly when I was a programmer/developer. There was a specific task or program I needed to work on, but I really didn’t want to, I wanted to find anything else to do but that task or program. I felt like if I tackled it while I was feeling like this it would take twice as long to complete than if I waited until I felt like it.

I realized that the thought or feeling is the same even though I would have never said that I didn’t feel inspired. Telling your boss or client that you weren’t inspired to work on something just wasn’t an option. So, why is it different when it comes to something like writing? It doesn’t have to be. As Craig said, “just ignore it and start doing stuff.”

There are a couple other similarities between the two for me: the distractions. Because I wasn’t inspired to work something, I would take a break every 15 minutes and do something else. Things like a quick check of my work and personal email or Facebook or Twitter. The problem was that I wasn’t really giving myself a chance to really become involved in what I was working on. When I stopped allowing myself to be distracted I would generally become pretty involved with whatever I was working on after a little bit.

I still occasionally find myself doing this. The difference is I recognize it a lot sooner now. One way I combat this is a timer. I set the timer for however long I want to commit to working on the task without distractions and then do it! I find it also helps to close any windows or browser tabs that might be distracting.

When you’re not inspired and are allowing yourself to be distracted, what do you do?