Category: attitude

Ugh! Another Meeting

by EvieBurke, posted in attitude, Complaining
This is the second of three posts in a series (the first).

There was a time of my life when I absolutely dreaded being called into someone’s office, because it generally meant one of three things:

  1. I was going to be given more work to do (I already had too much to do and not enough time to do it).
  2. I was going to sit through a meeting that wasn’t going to do anything for me other than take time away from my other tasks.
  3. I was going to be “yelled at” for something falling through the cracks because I was working on other higher priority issues and now this thing was the high priority.

No option was something I wanted to spend my time on.

This is the second of three posts where I’ll go through one option and review how I reacted and an alternate that might have made me (and the people around me happier).

2. I was going to sit through a meeting that wasn’t going to do anything for me than take time away from my other tasks.

How I reacted:
My thoughts upon learning I would be in a meeting were generally along the lines of: Ugh! Another meeting that I have to sit through when I could be doing something productive! Why do I need to waste my time there? I don’t have anything useful to contribute, and if I do it will be dismissed. And even though it’s only scheduled to take 30 minutes, it’ll go for at least 45, because they won’t start until everyone’s there and that will take at least ten minutes. And that’s if we don’t sit waiting for someone for a bit and then get told that they’re stuck in some other meeting or on a support call, and then we get to go through the whole process again! Ugh! Why can’t I just stay at my desk and get my stuff done?

An alternate:
First, spending time waiting for people to show up at a meeting can be really frustrating. However, one thing that never crossed my mind was that I was late pretty often too, or couldn’t make it, due to another meeting running long or being on a support call. Some how though, that was acceptable behavior for me, but not for others. I don’t think I realized that I was contributing to the same behavior that I found so frustrating. In this case, I could have acknowledged that I was frustrated and perhaps noted my own contribution to it and then moved on to something else.

I also automatically assumed that my opinion would be dismissed. When you make a suggestion or share an opinion with the thought in your head that it’s going to be dismissed, other people pick up on that. Why should they spend time exploring a suggestion that you don’t believe in? However, when you believe in your suggestion, that confidence is shown in your tone and body language. Others are much more likely to spend time exploring a suggestion they can tell you have confidence in.

While I was in meetings I was so absorbed with thinking about the things that I needed to get done at my desk that I wasn’t paying very close attention to the meeting. So, of course I wasn’t getting a lot out of the meeting or contributing to it! When I went into the meetings with an open and positive mind (meaning I wasn’t walking in saying “this is a waste of my time”) I got more out of the meetings, contributed more and occasionally (shh, don’t tell anyone) had fun! And when I went in with that attitude, waiting for ten minutes for a meeting to happen wasn’t so frustrating. Instead, I was able to talk with people I might not see on a regular basis and catch up with them. And if the meeting didn’t happen, it felt more like a nice break then a waste of my time.

What you expect, you get. When I expected an experience that wasted my time and was frustrating, I pretty much always got it. And when I expected an experience that would be useful and helpful to me (and maybe even fun), I pretty much always got that too. The people and the meetings didn’t really change, but what I expected out of the meetings did change.

What are your thoughts on this?

What! More Work?

by EvieBurke, posted in attitude, Complaining

There was a time of my life when I absolutely dreaded being called into someone’s office, because it generally meant one of three things:

  1. I was going to be given more work to do (I already had too much to do and not enough time to do it).
  2. I was going to sit through a meeting that wasn’t going to do anything for me other than take time away from my other tasks.
  3. I was going to be “yelled at” for something falling through the cracks because I was working on other higher priority issues and now this thing was the high priority.

No option was something I wanted to spend my time on.

In this and the next two posts I’ll go through one option and review how I reacted and an alternate that might have made me (and the people around me happier).

1. I was going to be given more work to do (and I already had too much to do and not enough time to do it).

How I reacted:
My outward reaction depended on who was giving me the task. If it was someone I felt fairly comfortable with I might let them know that I was frustrated I was getting additional projects or tasks. If it wasn’t someone I felt comfortable with I’d say “Ok”, get any details I needed and head back to my cube. In either case I was annoyed and frustrated that something else was being “dumped” on me.

I also wondered if anyone actually appreciated the work I got done, because it felt like as soon as I got something done I got two or three more things to do. I felt punished for getting work done in a timely manner sometimes.

An alternate:
Instead of being upset and complaining to myself that things were being “dumped” on me. I could have made a request to that something else be taken of my plate or a deadline be moved. I was extremely reluctant to speak up for myself because I was sure I would be shot down. The biggest problem with thinking like this is that I never tried so I can’t actually say what would have happened.

This also ties into not complaining. Complaining lowers your energy, both mentally and physically. I spent so much time complaining about what I was doing and what I had left to do that I wasn’t putting as much attention into what I was working on.

Also, take a look at the language I was using. I felt “dumped” on. Of course I wasn’t going to be happy doing whatever task was just assigned to me! Changing my language to a more neutral tone would have made a difference. Instead of saying a task got dumped on me, I could have just as easily said I have a new task.

As for being appreciated, I found very little of what I was doing to be “fun,” so I wanted to be appreciated for all the “not fun” things I was doing. Well, no one was going to pat me on the head and say good job every time I did something that was my job to do. I don’t mean that harshly, it’s just the truth. Another truth is if you go into something dreading it and thinking about all the other things you’d rather be doing (things like not being at work), then you’re not going to enjoy what you’re doing.

The ironic thing is that I wasn’t appreciating what I was accomplishing each day. If I’m not appreciating what I’m getting done, why would someone else? Taking 30 seconds after completing a task to allow myself to feel a sense of accomplishment could have made a big difference.

What would you recommend someone do in a situation like this? Let me know in the comments.

Photo credit: Just working with some…FRUSTRATION! by [ jeremy ] via flickr

What Do You Do With Closed Doors?

by EvieBurke, posted in attitude, Changes

When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window. – Anonymous

The last post was about what you do with the open door. Today is about what you do with the closed door.

After I thought for a bit about open doors, I started thinking about closed doors and realized that God doesn’t shut doors so you can stand and look at them and try to figure out how to open them again. If a door has been shut, isn’t it best to look for that open window (or door) instead of spending time trying to figure out how to open one that’s been shut?

I have this mental image of me standing at the shut door, trying to open it over and over again, only to find out, yet again, that the door is locked. Eventually I start to pound and yell at the door, trying to get someone on the other side to open it for me again.

It’s exhausting to do that over and over again! But how often do I do that in my life? Instead of being grateful for the opportunities that I was able to experience on the other side of the door, I’m upset that I’m not there anymore.

I find myself doing just that in one area of my life in particular. There’s a group of people that I loved spending time with that moved on to a new part of their life. I miss spending time with them and hearing about how they are and what’s going on in their lives. It’s a normal part of life, people come and go based on what’s going on in their life, but adjusting can be hard. Instead of missing how it used to be, I can be grateful that I had time with them and take advantage of the times they visit.

Do you try to re-open closed doors in your life?

Photo credit: Historic door by Sue Hasker
Pity Party

Throwing a Pity Party

by EvieBurke, posted in attitude, Gratitude

Have you ever thrown yourself a pity party? I did for a little bit yesterday. My goals felt too big and the path there seemed too daunting (perhaps I should have gone back and read this post from last week). In the past, I have stayed in that place for days at a time. Everything that came my way was another thing to add to my already heavy load.  I was just waiting for that proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

This time my pity party was a little different.  I noticed it sooner for what it was and allowed myself to wallow in it.  Yes, I consciously made the decision to stay there.  Probably not what you’d expect a person who’s all about taking steps to be happy to admit, right?

Well, allowing myself to stay in my pity party did come with strings attached: I set a time limit.  Once I recognized it for what it was I gave myself ten minutes of really feeling sorry for myself and then I had to move on.

Once my ten minutes were up I wanted to feel better about myself.  That can be easier said than done.

The first thing I did was take a few deep, calming breaths.  Go ahead and do that now.  Breathe in deep through your nose and out through your mouth.  Relaxing isn’t it?

The second thing I did was think about what’s going right and what I’m thankful for.  Gratitude, it’s a great mood lifter.

So, next time you want to throw yourself a pity party, go ahead! But make sure you’re consciously making that decision.  Also, limit how long the party is and then spend some time being grateful for other things in your life.

Interested in reading more about gratitude? Check out these posts:
Being Happy – Gratitude
Day 130 in Gratitude (a guest post I did for my friend Linda)
Photo credit: Pity Party by Evil Erin via flickr

Is Control an Illusion?

by EvieBurke, posted in attitude, Complaining

I was thinking about control the other day and how we don’t have control over a lot of things that happen in our lives.  We can’t control the weather, our friends and family or the other drivers.  Sometimes this can be rather frustrating for me.  Where is spring?  Why is it still chilly here? Why is that person tailgating me?  Who’s going to be nice and let me change lanes?

So, last weekend when I heard someone say that being in control of our lives is just an illusion, I immediately nodded my head in agreement.  After all, just look at the list of things I can’t control.  The list of things I can’t control is infinite.

Then I remembered the one thing I do have control of in all situations.  I am in control of how I choose to react in each situation I’m in or observe.  I get to choose whether the guy tailgating me annoys the heck out of me or not.  I get to choose if I complain about the cold day or enjoy the fact that the sun is out.  You get to make those same decisions in your life.

So, is control an illusion?  I guess it depends on what you’re trying to control.  Are you trying to control the situation or your reaction to the situation?  I find it’s less stressful for me when I make the decision to control my reaction, rather than the situation.

What do you think?