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October Book Review (Rising Strong)

by EvieBurke, posted in book review

Rising Strong book coverOctober’s book review is about “Rising Strong” by Brené Brown.

I consider this book the third in a Brené Brown trilogy that started with “The Gifts of Imperfection”, continued with “Daring Greatly” and now “Rising Strong”.

I just loved this book.

I love that Brené Brown uses examples from her own life freely. As she writes in the introduction:

These narratives grant me not only a front-row seat to watch what’s playing out onstage, but also a backstage pass to access the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are taking place behind the scenes. In my stories, I have the details.

These examples are extremely valuable and make it more than an intellectual exercise, it makes it living and breathing work – and when you read the book you get that it was work. And that the work was completely worth it.

The way that this book was written made it easy for me to read and understand the concepts and points. I know that sometimes I pick up a book that others are raving about the teaching/lessons in it.

I know that sometimes I pick up a book that others are raving about the teaching/lessons in it and they’re written in a way that expresses the point, but they don’t connect with me – they’re more intellectual.

I like and need well-told stories and examples. And Brené Brown’s books not only share the lessons, but shares them with masterfully told stories and examples.

I highly recommend this book.

Have you read this book? What did you think? Share in the comments below.

When it’s not fair

by EvieBurke, posted in attitude, comparisons, perspective

why-do-we-get-so-stressed-outI was driving home and was at a point where two lanes merged into one shortly after an intersection. The cars ahead of me nicely merged together like a zipper, well before the lane ended. I left space to allow the car slightly ahead of me in the other lane to merge into.

That’s what you do, right?

Well, he didn’t merge. Instead, he attempted to get two cars ahead by speeding up past the cars ahead of me.

No one let him in. The car directly ahead of me actually sped up to make sure he couldn’t get in. So, he ended up directly in front of me anyway.

I don’t know what was going through the minds of the people ahead of me, but I imagined it was along the lines of “it’s not your turn you have to wait” or “Nope, no way you’re getting ahead of me.”

And I was struck by the fairness of it all. He had to wait his turn, it was only fair.

I laughed when he had to merge in front of me, but maybe not for the reason you think.

I laughed because none of it actually mattered. It wasn’t going to make any difference in how quickly any of us reached our destinations.

In fact, about half a mile later, the car that sped up to block the merge turned onto a side street! It wouldn’t have cost him any time to let someone merge ahead of him.

Why do we get so stressed out about these things?

In the above example, there was a commitment to fairness playing out – you have to wait your turn, that’s what’s fair.

It made me think of where I’m committed to fairness and where other people might be.

But how might a commitment to fairness show up in your business?

  • Someone with a similar product/service comes to the networking group that you’ve been attending for a while and everyone is raving about how great their product/service is – but no one has done that for you and you’re annoyed or frustrated. After all, you’ve been there much longer than she has.
  • You’re in a group program and you find out one of the other members is getting something you’re not and instead of asking about it, you compare notes with everyone else and stew on it.
  • Everyone gets x amount of time to talk about their business at your favorite networking group and you’re really annoyed when someone takes more time, after all, you didn’t get to talk that long.
  • Someone just started a business similar to yours and is having more success than you are, but you started first! You should be having that success!

Here’s the thing, being fair isn’t necessarily a bad thing. And fairness is taught to us from a very young age (stand in line and wait your turn).

So, it’s completely natural to find yourself miffed when you perceive something isn’t fair.

But here’s an important question to consider: Does being upset about the unfairness serve you or your business?

In the examples above, the answer is no. Being upset about unfairness only wastes your time and energy.

One of the other things happening in all the above examples is comparison. You compared yourself to them and it led to a feeling of unfairness, a thought that tells you they got something you didn’t and that’s not fair. As a result, there’s an underlying “me vs them” mentality.

What if instead of getting upset about it, you did one or both of these things below?

  1. Notice what you’re feeling and get curious about where that’s coming from for you.
  2. Get curious about the other person.
    If they’re more successful than you are, get curious about what they’re doing differently.
    If someone received an extra or bonus in a program you both participate in, get curious and ask (without judgment of them or you) how/why they received that bonus.

Opportunities to learn and connect are lost when you’re worried about fairness or comparing yourself to others.

Where do you notice yourself worried about fairness or comparing yourself to others? How does it show up for you?

If you’re feeling brave, share in the comments below.

Group Coaching vs Mastermind Groups

by EvieBurke, posted in planning

Group Coaching vs Mastermind GroupsIt’s an innocent case of unintentional jargon speak that I didn’t realize I was doing until last week when someone new to coaching asked what the difference was in a private coaching Facebook group I participate in.

What’s the coaching jargon I’m assuming you understand?

You know, because you’ve read the title, the difference between group coaching and mastermind groups.

I forgot that there was a time when I didn’t know what either of those was, or that there was a difference.

And to further complicate things, some people running group coaching and mastermind groups use the terms inaccurately or interchangeably.

First, let’s look at how group coaching groups and mastermind groups are alike.

Both bring groups of like-minded people getting together for help and support.

The main difference is how that help and support is achieved.

In Group Coaching the leader of the group, generally a coach, and is the one offering the help and support. So, you ask a question or share a situation and you’re coached through it by the coach. In some cases, it might be set up as a combination of coaching and question/answer session (again, with the coach answering the questions).

And there might be a topic for each meeting that is briefly taught by the coach and then it’s opened to the group to ask questions for help and support around that topic.

Also, the size of a group coaching group can be anywhere from 3 to 300 people. It depends on how the coach sets up the group.

In Mastermind Groups the members of the group are offering each other help and support. So, you ask a question or share a situation and the other members of the group offer thoughts, opinions, help, support, and guidance.

There’s a facilitator who manages the meetings and also offers their own thoughts, opinions, help, support, and guidance in addition to the other group members. In more formal groups the facilitator does not bring their own questions/situations to the group.

Generally, mastermind groups are 3-9 people and the meetings are set up in one of two ways.

One way is 1-2 members each meeting have the opportunity to bring a question/situation to the group. By the end of the group’s time together (whether 3 months, a year, or anywhere in between) everyone will have the same number of opportunities in front of the group.

The other way is that each person shares a question/situation each meeting.

Neither way is better, it just depends on what you prefer.

If you’re thinking of joining a group coaching group or mastermind group, don’t be afraid to ask questions so you’re clear what kind of group you’re joining.

A Mastermind Group is a meeting of committed people who share a common goal and are looking to support, motivate, and help each other.

A place for support and guidance

by EvieBurke, posted in Goals, motivation, planning

Have you ever had a decision to make or a problem and wished you had someone to share the situation with and receive some guidance?

Yeah, me too.

Thankfully, I do have that, I have friends and am in programs that provide helpful and useful thoughts, opinions, help, support, and guidance.

Some are more formal relationships and others are more laid back.

And there are different things that I bring to different people/groups. It depends on the relationship.

One way that I’ve received guidance, is through business mastermind groups.

A Mastermind Group is a meeting of committed people who share a common goal and are looking to support, motivate, and help each other.I have a long love affair of mastermind groups – I joined my first business mastermind group in 2010 before I had a business!

It was great. I was in a group with established business owners (people who had businesses with clients that paid them!) and up-and-coming business owners (people who had businesses with clients that paid them, but not enough) and there was me and aspiring business owner.

I thought I’d have nothing to add to the conversation, but I did. While I couldn’t share advice or stories around what had worked for me in business, I could share what would appeal to me as a potential client.

I learned a lot from that group and am still connected with many of the ladies.

My other experiences with mastermind groups have been just as wonderful and each was set up differently. Each group has its own feel – and I always get what I need from each of them when I fully show up and participate.

I’ve brought many topics to the various mastermind groups I’ve been a part of – marketing questions, frustrations, and struggles I was working through. And each time I received insightful questions, suggestions, and guidance.

And I’ve found for myself, business masterminding is most helpful when I’m with a group of people who already know me and my business a bit because we see each other regularly in a structured mastermind.

How would being in a mastermind group benefit you and your business?

If you’re interested in joining a formal mastermind group, on October 12 I’m hosting a “Come try it out” morning session. You can find all the information and RSVP here.

I have two groups of the Momentum Mastermind group starting, this “come try it out” session will give you a feel for what it’s all about.

What’s your measuring stick for “How are you?”

by EvieBurke, posted in attitude

What’s your measuring stickI was talking with an acquaintance and asked “How are you?” and the response was, “Good I guess. I haven’t made any money this month.”

I said “Well, things can be great AND you might not have made money. One doesn’t require the other.” My acquaintance gave me a quizzical look and replied “I guess…” We were interrupted and didn’t end up talking more about it.

As I reflected on it later, I realized how easily I could have been on the other end of that conversation.

If a business friend or acquaintance asked me “How are you?” I felt like I was somehow lying if I said “good” but hadn’t met my financial goals for the week or month.

My personal worth was directly tied to how much money I thought I should be making. And how close or far from that mark I was.

Maybe you can relate.

Near the beginning of my business I attended a conference where the woman leading it said that if you’re not making a profit in your business, you don’t have a business, you have an expensive hobby.

And like everyone else in the audience, I nodded my head in agreement. And I tried not to outwardly show how ashamed I felt because I had just learned I wasn’t an entrepreneur, but someone with an expensive hobby.

A couple years later I heard someone else describe a business that’s not making a profit a different way. He asked if you were making progress, if you were trying new things, if you were learning, if you were implementing what you were learning AND if you were – then you were attending your own private school of entrepreneurship.

He pointed out that many people go to college to learn something they can get (hopefully) hired for later. They pay thousands of dollars a year for that privilege.

And you’re learning lessons from your business they don’t teach in college. You’re receiving an education about yourself that’s priceless.

So, when someone asks you “How are you?” I propose you toss out the measuring stick of “How much money am I making?”, “Am I making a profit – or enough of a profit?”, and “Did I reach my goals this week/month?” And replace it with “Am I learning?”, “Am I making progress?” and, most importantly, “Am I having fun?”