Five Lies We Tell Ourselves To Stay Safe: Lie #5

Business WomanThis week is Lie #5.
You can find the other “lies” in this series here:
Lie #1: I don’t have time
Lie #2: I can’t afford it
Lie #3: It’s not in my budget
Lie #4: I need to think about it
Lie #5: I can do it myself
Conclusion

Let’s review what I mean by “stay safe.”

Staying safe means not taking risks. Not doing things that stretch our comfort zone. It’s not making a phone call to a potential client because it’s uncomfortable. It’s staying home from that networking group because you don’t know anyone. It’s not working with someone that could help you move forward in your business because it’s different than what you’ve done. I’m sure you can add plenty of your own examples.

Lie #5: I can do it myself

This one has a different flavor than the other lies, doesn’t it?

This one is deciding that you don’t need help with something, in whatever form that help comes in, because you can do it yourself. And the truth is, maybe you can do it yourself. You might already be doing it yourself, but do you need, or want, to be?

Sometimes it shows up as “I’ll do it myself because they’ll do it wrong.”

In my life that showed up as refolding the towels because my husband didn’t fold them the right way. This just frustrated both of us. Until I let it go and decided that it being done at all was more important than it being done my way.

In my business that looked like trying to figure out marketing and messaging by myself. After all, I know my business better than anyone, right? I don’t need someone else to tell me what to do! Only, I realized that things moved faster when I had help (and accountability).

And I hear it from people all the time. I need to do x and this person could help me, but I can figure it out by myself. They might even go out and pick up a book on the subject or listen to a free teleclass. And six months later, they have the same problems or frustrations as before.

My favorite version of this is it’s faster if I just do it myself. And while it might initially take you more time, in the long run it will save you time.

Say it’s something that you do once a week that takes you a half hour. Maybe it will take you two hours to train someone and another hour to review their progress or work later. Yes, for a week or two it’s going to take you 3 hours instead of 30 minutes.

However, over the course of a year you’ll go from spending about 26 hours working on it to spending maybe 8 (figuring you’ll spend some time every week or so looking the work over fairly quickly). That’s a lot of time over the course of a year. Imagine how much time that would save you if it was something that took you a couple hours each week, or a half hour each day!

I’m sure you have plenty of examples in your own life and business, things that you’re struggling with but will figure out yourself.

So, when you hear yourself saying I can do it myself, ask yourself how much faster it will go if you asked someone (or paid someone) to help you with that.

Do you have any examples you’d like to share? I’d love to know about them! Share in the comments below.

Image courtesy of mrsiraphol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Five Lies We Tell Ourselves To Stay Safe: Lie #4

Calculator and MoneyThis week is Lie #4.
You can find the other “lies” in this series here:
Lie #1: I don’t have time
Lie #2: I can’t afford it
Lie #3: It’s not in my budget
Lie #4: I need to think about it
Lie #5: I can do it myself
Conclusion

Let’s review what I mean by “stay safe.”

Staying safe means not taking risks. Not doing things that stretch our comfort zone. It’s not making a phone call to a potential client because it’s uncomfortable. It’s staying home from that networking group because you don’t know anyone. It’s not working with someone that could help you move forward in your business because it’s different than what you’ve done. I’m sure you can add plenty of your own examples.

Lie #4: I need to think about it

I bet you really already know what you want to say and you’re afraid of saying it. Generally for one of two reasons:

  1. The answer is “no” and telling someone no makes you uncomfortable.
  2. The answer is “yes” and saying that makes you uncomfortable.

Basically, you don’t want to be uncomfortable so you put it off. Here’s what tends to happen.

  1. Saying “no” (to someone feels uncomfortable): You ask for more time and then email to tell them it’s not for you. Or you hope they don’t call or email you back and spend a week worrying about how you’re going to say no.

    It’s okay to say no.

    There is power in saying no (for the right reasons) and being firm. And the added bonus is you don’t spend time trying to figure out how to say no, without saying no.

  2. Saying “yes” (causes you to feel uncomfortable): You ask for more time and then spend it trying to think of all the reasonable reasons that you should say no (see lies 1-3). You pick the one that sounds the easiest and use it.

    One of the best yes’s I said for my business (and myself) left me feeling sick to my stomach. Not because it was the wrong decision, but because it was the exactly right decision and I knew that it was going to stretch me and my business. I had lots of reasonable reasons to say no, AND I had better reasons to say yes.

Easily making decisions that are in alignment with what you want, decisions that are truly what is best for you takes time and practice. It’s easy to want to make the another person happy and put them ahead of ourselves or make the safe decisions. In some cases we’ve been trained to do that.

When you’re able to clearly identify what your decision is and share it, it is powerful. And it’s not just powerful for yourself, it’s powerful for the other person too.

What decisions are you thinking about right now and how can you apply this information to it? Share in the comments below!

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Five Lies We Tell Ourselves To Stay Safe: Lies #2 & #3

Calculator and MoneyThis week are Lies #2 and #3.
You can find the other “lies” in this series here:
Lie #1: I don’t have time
Lie #2: I can’t afford it
Lie #3: It’s not in my budget

Lie #4: I need to think about it
Lie #5: I can do it myself
Conclusion

Let’s review what I mean by “stay safe.”

Staying safe means not taking risks. Not doing things that stretch our comfort zone. It’s not making a phone call to a potential client because it’s uncomfortable. It’s staying home from that networking group because you don’t know anyone. It’s not working with someone that could help you move forward in your business because it’s different than what you’ve done. I’m sure you can add plenty of your own examples.

Lie #2: I can’t afford it

Have you ever been talking with someone and they say that they can’t afford something and then a couple of minutes later they’re talking about the weekend trip they just took, a new TV they just bought or something else?

It’s not that they couldn’t afford it, it’s that they chose NOT to spend their money on it. That’s great! They know what’s important to them. However, it’s an important distinction to make.

Be clear with yourself, can you really not afford it, or are you choosing to not to spend your money on it? This might seem like semantics, however it’s important to recognize how our words affect our relationship with money.

Lie #3: It’s not in my budget right now

Yes, it’s a flavor of lie #2.

Here’s what I know about some of the most successful people I know. They made investments that weren’t in their budget because they knew they couldn’t afford not to.

Now, I’m not advocating going into massive credit card debt, but do you know what that investment made them do? MOVE. It lit a fire under their butt and they stretched their comfort zone a lot farther than they would have been motivated to do without that investment. Oh, and the investment was a huge comfort zone stretch (and leap of faith) that paved the way for the stretches to come.

For both of these “lies,” recognize what’s really going on for you. Are you making purposeful choices or are you using a convenient excuse that sounds reasonable?

Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Five Lies We Tell Ourselves To Stay Safe: Lie #1

clock_in_natureI want to start by saying that I have NEVER done any of these things, nope, none of them, not me! (hopefully you can hear the sarcasm dripping).

This week is Lie #1 and in the following weeks will cover lies two through five.
You can find the other “lies” in this series here:
Lie #1: I don’t have time
Lie #2: I can’t afford it
Lie #3: It’s not in my budget

Lie #4: I need to think about it
Lie #5: I can do it myself
Conclusion

Now, let’s clear up what I mean by “stay safe.”

Staying safe means not taking risks. Not doing things that stretch our comfort zone. It’s not making a phone call to a potential client because it’s uncomfortable. It’s staying home from that networking group because you don’t know anyone. It’s not working with someone that could help you move forward in your business because it’s different than what you’ve done. I’m sure you can add plenty of your own examples.

Lie #1: I don’t have time

You decide everyday what you are and aren’t going to do in every moment, consciously or unconsciously. When you say you don’t have time for something, what you’re really saying is I choose not to make time for that. And that’s OKAY. You shouldn’t make time for everything.

However, it might serve you to review how you are spending your time and make some adjustments so you can do more of the things that you want to. Yes, Facebook and email count, but also think about what projects or activities might need to be put on the back burner right now.

And one more thing, life doesn’t slow down – ever.

So, right now might not be the best time, but will things really be that different in 3 months? 6 months? or year? or will it just be a different reason why now isn’t the right time?

Share your thoughts in the comments below.

photo credit: Βethan via photopin cc
Behind every flinch is a fear or an anxiety - sometimes rational, sometimes not. Without the fear, there is no flinch. But wiping out the fear isn't what's important - facing it is. - Julien Smith, The Flinch

My Comfort Zone Shrunk

Behind every flinch is a fear or an anxiety - sometimes rational, sometimes not. Without the fear, there is no flinch. But wiping out the fear isn't what's important - facing it is. - Julien Smith, The FlinchWhen I was around 14 a dog bit me on my leg. I still have a small scar.

The dog, Sparky, was one I knew well. He lived across the street and we (my sister and I) would go over and play with him.

On this particular summer day, I was walking home from babysitting and saw Sparky tied up in the front yard. He was barking at me and wagging his tail, excited to see me. So, I pet him and then turned to go home and that’s all I remember.

I’m told that I screamed and ran home. Sparky’s mom looked out the window when I screamed and came over to find out what happened (and called my mom). I was fine, just surprised. Sparky had pierced the skin, but it healed fine.

I developed a new fear though. Suddenly, I was a little apprehensive around dogs (which I had adored), I was even a bit tentative around my own dog for a bit.

Slowly, I worked through it. And I still adore dogs.

If you’ve been reading here for a bit, you know that this probably ties into business in some way and are waiting for it.

And yes, it does tie in. My comfort zone with all dogs shrunk that day. It took a little time and effort to expand that comfort zone back to where it had been.

Have you had a similar experience in your business?

Maybe you were burned by a client? Perhaps a “safe” phone call didn’t go anything like you expected?

Whatever your story is, your comfort zone shrunk. Maybe you didn’t even notice it at the time. But now you have a bit of apprehension when working with a new client or picking up the phone.

It’s natural, no one likes being hurt.

But like the quote in the image says “…wiping out the fear isn’t what’s important – facing it is.

For me, that looked like spending time with my own dog. Approaching her, even when I felt apprehensive and trusting that her end of our relationship hadn’t change, only mine had.

Maybe for you that looks like making warm calls to people that have been happy to hear from you in the past. Or maybe it looks completely different.

This doesn’t mean you have to step completely outside your comfort zone. You can stretch it a little bit, just do one thing that puts you face to face with your fear, but in fairly safe way. And if you want a little help with that, just let me know.

When has your comfort zone shrunk and what did you do about it? I’d love it if you shared in the comments below!