Category: comfort zone

Behind every flinch is a fear or an anxiety - sometimes rational, sometimes not. Without the fear, there is no flinch. But wiping out the fear isn't what's important - facing it is. - Julien Smith, The Flinch

My Comfort Zone Shrunk

by EvieBurke, posted in comfort zone

Behind every flinch is a fear or an anxiety - sometimes rational, sometimes not. Without the fear, there is no flinch. But wiping out the fear isn't what's important - facing it is. - Julien Smith, The FlinchWhen I was around 14 a dog bit me on my leg. I still have a small scar.

The dog, Sparky, was one I knew well. He lived across the street and we (my sister and I) would go over and play with him.

On this particular summer day, I was walking home from babysitting and saw Sparky tied up in the front yard. He was barking at me and wagging his tail, excited to see me. So, I pet him and then turned to go home and that’s all I remember.

I’m told that I screamed and ran home. Sparky’s mom looked out the window when I screamed and came over to find out what happened (and called my mom). I was fine, just surprised. Sparky had pierced the skin, but it healed fine.

I developed a new fear though. Suddenly, I was a little apprehensive around dogs (which I had adored), I was even a bit tentative around my own dog for a bit.

Slowly, I worked through it. And I still adore dogs.

If you’ve been reading here for a bit, you know that this probably ties into business in some way and are waiting for it.

And yes, it does tie in. My comfort zone with all dogs shrunk that day. It took a little time and effort to expand that comfort zone back to where it had been.

Have you had a similar experience in your business?

Maybe you were burned by a client? Perhaps a “safe” phone call didn’t go anything like you expected?

Whatever your story is, your comfort zone shrunk. Maybe you didn’t even notice it at the time. But now you have a bit of apprehension when working with a new client or picking up the phone.

It’s natural, no one likes being hurt.

But like the quote in the image says “…wiping out the fear isn’t what’s important – facing it is.”

For me, that looked like spending time with my own dog. Approaching her, even when I felt apprehensive and trusting that her end of our relationship hadn’t change, only mine had.

Maybe for you that looks like making warm calls to people that have been happy to hear from you in the past. Or maybe it looks completely different.

This doesn’t mean you have to step completely outside your comfort zone. You can stretch it a little bit, just do one thing that puts you face to face with your fear, but in fairly safe way. And if you want a little help with that, just let me know.

When has your comfort zone shrunk and what did you do about it? I’d love it if you shared in the comments below!

Sign reading "Leap and the net will appear"

Trust Yourself and Leap

by EvieBurke, posted in comfort zone, Fear

Sign reading "Leap and the net will appear"My husband plays the french horn and is part of a local orchestra. Last weekend they had their yearly Children’s Concert and it was so much fun. They had a clown during the first piece, “Circus Overture” and during intermission they had an “Instrument Petting Zoo” where the kids could try out instruments that were their size (on a side note, one of my nephews plays the violin and when he was small, he had a tiny violin that was adorable).

However, in my eyes, one of the coolest things they did was allow the kids to “direct” the orchestra. Each child had just under a minute to stand on the director’s podium and “direct.” They each received their own baton to keep.

The kids were all excited to step up and try their hand at directing. From where I sat it didn’t look like any of them were concerned with doing it right. And it was fun to see some of them turn around and look for their parents with a huge smile on their face.

When was the last time you just jumped into something? You didn’t worry about if you were doing it “right” or “wrong” you just jumped in and tried it out and trusted that it would work out somehow.

Earlier this week I was at an event with a panel of speakers. The topic was about taking the plunge into business and the panel consisted of three women with different businesses in different stages. They shared their stories of how they started and where they are now.

One of the themes someone pointed out after a bit was “ignorance is bliss.” Meaning, if they knew exactly what they were getting into, they might not have done it. And also, sometimes they were really successful because they didn’t know you were supposed to do it a different way – that the path they should have taken (according to others) was over there and instead they followed this little, slightly overgrown path and it worked out really, really well.

When was the last time you didn’t worry about having enough information and moved forward anyway?

Personally, I’m a planner. I like to have steps mapped out. And since we’re in the “information age,” there is no shortage of information about the right way to do things. When you search for something, you can find hundreds of articles and they all claim to be the way to do it – and yet they seem to contradict each other.

So, where does that leave the planners? Frustrated, overwhelmed and really tired.

Have I made mistakes, had huge blind spots and been really frustrated? Yep. I bet you have too. Many times, the mistakes were because I was listening to someone else and not trusting myself.

Don’t let the worry and the fear hold you back. Trust yourself. The world needs you, your voice, your gifts.

Step forward into the unknown and know that you will be supported, just reach out.

Leap and the net will appear.

Do you trust that? Or are you so busy clinging to the side of the cliff that you haven’t looked down to see the net there waiting for you?

Running a business is scary sometimes isn’t it? And you know what, despite the fear, I bet you really wouldn’t have it any other way.


Photo credit: sarahwulfeck / Foter.com / CC BY

Are You Ignoring Advice Because You Know How You Work or Because Of Fear?

by EvieBurke, posted in comfort zone, Fear

Have you ever been told you’re doing it wrong? Maybe not in so many words, but the thought was there? Usually, it’s from someone very well meaning who’s trying to say “If you do it this way, the way I did it, it will work better.” Instead of feeling a sense of hope and direction, did you feel like this person just didn’t understand you? Or worse, that maybe there was something wrong with you because their way just didn’t feel right for you?

I’ve had that experience. And then felt a bit like I was my own little island and everyone one else was on a boat yelling directions at me that I just didn’t understand or quickly became frustrated with.

If you relate, then know that you’re not alone.

I’ve been thinking about this off and on for several weeks. Why didn’t I get it? Why did [fill in the blank] come so easily to them and was so difficult for me? Even when someone gave me the steps?

The main problem was I work differently than they do.

I like focusing on one thing at a time. I really immerse myself in it and it can be difficult for me to change focus. Have you ever seen an old fashion juke box with actual records? When you change songs the record spins down, is put away, then the new one is found, put in place and spun up to speed so you can hear the new song. That’s how changing focus feels for me. It can take time for me to switch “songs.”

While other people get bored if they don’t have a lot of variety each day, I prefer to focus on one or two things. One is not better than the other, it’s just different. I know that when I’m planning my week, it’s better for me to group tasks around a particular project together. In the long run it saves me time and frustration.

Here’s where it can get tricky. Sometimes, when someone is offering a piece of advice or an insight from their own life and you tell them that their method is not for you, they might say (again, with the best of intentions) that you’re just afraid or hiding from something or even playing small. This is where it’s important to recognize if they are right.

Remember the story from last week? I had been told by various people that I needed to become comfortable making phone calls. Problem was it scared me. I know people who regularly make anywhere from 25 to 40 (or more!) phone calls each week. Thinking about doing that was intimidating. It was a fear response with a dash of “that is sooo not for me.”

After avoiding it for a while, I realized that I was avoiding making phone calls mostly out of fear. You can see what I did about it in last week’s article. The gist of it is that I created a solution that worked for me and it didn’t look like the solution other’s had suggested in the past.

So, it is one thing to know how you work and it is something completely different to use it as an excuse to play small. Many times those methods can be tweaked to work for you (make 10 phone calls instead of 30).

Trust your gut, or intuition, or whatever you call it. If the advice, task or goal is not right for you move on, but if it’s fear holding you back recognize that and decide how you want to address it. The secret is to know yourself and be willing to step outside your comfort zone in a way that works for you.

Should Do and Want To, but Won’t

by EvieBurke, posted in comfort zone, Intuition, planning

Man ThinkingHave you ever been in a situation where you felt you should do something, but maybe you didn’t really want to? Or the reverse, where you felt you shouldn’t do something, but you really did want to?

Wanting to do something feels a lot better than feeling like we should do something. When I read a book I want to read, I get a lot more out of the experience and generally enjoy it more. When I read a book I feel I should read, it takes a really long time for me to read and I don’t enjoy the book as much. That experience between want’s and should’s is pretty universal.

How about when you don’t want to do something? If you don’t want to do something and you do anyway you won’t get as much out of the experience, right? Well, yes and no. There are a lot of things that I don’t want to do (on some level) that I do anyway because the reason I don’t want to do it is that it’s outside of my comfort zone (for more on that read this post).

I recently found myself with an opportunity to do something that I felt I should do and I wanted to do it, but I had little energy for it (I was tired just thinking about it). I reviewed my energy for this opportunity from many different angles. Was it outside my comfort zone somehow? Was I being fueled by rivalry? Was I trying to prove something to someone? Was I worried about what other people would think?

I finally decided to sit down and prepare for this opportunity. The words wouldn’t come. I sat for a while and had many feelings that I wanted to convey, but no words to express them.

That’s when I quieted myself and listened to my gut (or intuition). I learned that I wasn’t ready for this opportunity at this time. That’s why I had low energy for it. And I realized that while this specific opportunity would never be available again, I can share with a portion of that audience in other ways in the future, when I am ready and there is energy for it.

When you find yourself in a place where the should’s and want to’s meet, but have no energy or enthusiasm for the task don’t forget to check your gut or intuition. What does that say you should do?

Photo credit: Thinking RFID by @boetter via flickr

Easy Fixes and Comfort Zones

by EvieBurke, posted in comfort zone

Ever want an easy fix? To feel or be a different way instantly, because you know that things would be better then. Or to automatically be one month or two years in the future, because then you’ll have already dealt with the stuff that you’re going through now. That would be great, right?

I used to feel like that a lot. If it would just be next month or next year then this problem will be past, this issue will be dealt with, or this person will be different. Heck, I was feeling like that a couple weeks ago when I realized I had to take a definite step out of my comfort zone to continue moving forward.

And the uncomfortableness of stepping outside our comfort zone is really what wanting a situation to be past is really about, isn’t it? It’s scary to move outside of our experience, our safety zone.

There’s a funny thing about those things that we want to quickly move by: they help us grow. They move us toward something. They prepare us for our next opportunities.

Those things that we want to be over, so the uncomfortableness will be past, get added to our ever growing list of experiences and something odd happens – we’re no longer as uncomfortable with that experience. Our comfort zone has expanded to include that new experience that we just wanted to jump over.  And we’re presented with a new experience that’s outside our comfort zone.

Life is a growing experience.

Think about where you are experiencing this in your life and ask yourself these questions:

  • Have I ever done something like that in the past?
    • If so, how can I apply that experience here?
    • If not, what resources (people, books, websites, etc.) are available to me to help me out?

The questions are to help you find the resources you need to work through that situation just outside your comfort zone. Whether it’s a presentation, a project, or a conversation, use the tools available to you!

Once you know what resources you can use and perhaps have started using them, create a step by step plan – calling someone can be a step, but if you don’t know their number, that is its own step.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it.