Category: perspective

Party Hat on Laptop

Celebrate That? But It Was Too Easy!

by EvieBurke, posted in perspective, Task List

Party Hat on LaptopHow often have you reviewed your week and been frustrated because it seems like the BIG and difficult things didn’t get done?

Yes, maybe a lot of other things were completed, but those really don’t seem to count, because the really HARD thing didn’t get done. So, you automatically feel bad, and maybe guilty, for missing that target.

Why aren’t you excited about the things you did accomplish?

Sometimes we don’t give ourselves credit for the routine or simple things we do that support us and our businesses.

  • Did you send out you weekly or monthly newsletter/note to your subscribers? Congrats! How many weeks or months has that been going without interruption? Are you celebrating?
  • Did you get out of the house and go networking, even though you had items from yesterday’s to-do list undone? Congrats! You’re out there meeting people and strengthening existing connections!
  • Did you meet a personal goal this week? Congrats! You’re taking care of yourself so you can continue taking care of your business!
  • Did you have meetings with clients this week, timely follow up with them, or sell your product and deliver it? Congrats! You’re taking care of your customers!

I could go on, but hopefully you get the idea.

We often get caught up in everything that didn’t get done, goals that were missed and maybe opportunities that were lost.

We want to improve for next time, which is good! You want to review why something didn’t work and adjust for next time.

But we’re so busy focusing on those things that we miss some of the celebrations, big and small, that we could be having along the way.

So, I have a challenge for you: over the next 7 days, at the end of each day, write down what went right and what you accomplished. At the end of the 7 days, review it and have a little celebration for yourself! And come back here and share!

In the meantime, what have you already accomplished today? Share in the comments below!

“Everything Happens For a Reason” or “You Can Learn From Everything”

by EvieBurke, posted in perspective, Responsibility

When you first read both those statements they sound very similar. However, they’re actually very different.

Everything Happens For a Reason
This saying indicates that every event or outcome happens specifically to teach you something or move you in a certain direction.

You Can Learn From Everything
This saying indicates that you walk away from every event or outcome having learned something.

What I Believe
I do not believe that “everything happens for a reason.” I find it incredibly hard to believe that I am meant to learn a specific lesson or move in a specific direction for each event that occurs in my life. I am a firm believer in personal choice and responsibility.  “Everything happens for a reason” feels too much like I’m placing events and results in someone else’s hands instead of taking responsibility where it’s appropriate. The example I always come back to is an unexpected death of a healthy young person I knew. I find hard to believe that it happened specifically so one person (or a few people) could learn something or move toward something or that there was a “reason” it happened.

I do believe that “you can learn from everything.”  This puts the choice in your hands and you get to ask questions like “What can I learn about myself from this?” or “What can I take away from this experience?” In the example above, I find “you can learn from everything” much more empowering. Instead of looking for the one reason his death occurred, I looked for the lessons that I learned about myself and others.

Conclusion
Which saying do you believe?

What’s Not Working vs What’s Wrong

by EvieBurke, posted in attitude, perspective

In the last post I wrote about focusing on what goes right instead of what goes wrong. Later, I remembered reading something when I was still trying to figure out what being happy looked like for me without changing jobs. The gist of the article was that focusing on what’s going wrong instead of what’s going right is what’s wrong with today’s business culture.

Ok, besides the irony of that topic, I remember thinking that in some cases focusing on what went wrong is really the best thing you can do. And you know what, I was wrong!

Let me back up a bit. I was a project manager and computer programmer at that point (yes, I was doing both over the course of my day). A big part of my job was looking what my clients reported wasn’t working with the software and doing one of 3 things: (1) solve/fix it, (2) find a suitable work-around or (3) report the problem to development (and hopefully find a temporary work-around for the client). The very nature of my job was focusing on what WASN’T working.

My thought at the time was if I only focused on what was working my clients would be very unhappy with me and I would quickly be out of a job. And really, who wants either of those things!?

However, there’s a difference between focusing only on what’s going wrong and focusing on what’s not working. I’m deliberately using separate words for each because the difference is what you focus on.

Let me explain. There’s a difference between having a leak in your roof and getting really upset that there’s a leak in your roof. The difference is your reaction. Having a leak in your roof is a fact; there’s a problem with the roof and you probably want to fix it. Getting upset that there’s a leak in the roof is an emotion you naturally have AND can decide to not have.

So, in my previous job things that weren’t working with the software were facts; this isn’t working as desired (or designed) and needed to be fixed. If my reaction was to be upset that I had to deal will all this stuff that wasn’t working (which I often did) then I could change that by focusing on what was going right.

Now, at first glance this could be a difficult task. After all, it was rare for me to hear about how well something was working. However, at some point I stopped being so frustrated by each problem that was reported and instead each new problem was just that – a new problem – and not something to get upset about. I’m not sure exactly when that happened, but I do know it took a bit of work on my part.

So, what did I do?

  1. I decided to stop complaining. Complaining wasn’t making me feel better and it usually wasn’t venting. So, I decided to stop. And when I found myself complaining I did one of two things:
    1. Go immediately to the solution. This looks like: I’m really upset that this problem is still happening AND I’m going to talk to someone in development about a possible work-around. The part before AND is the complaint, the part after is the solution.
    2. Say something nice about the situation or person. This looks like: I’m really upset that this problem is still happening AND Amy is so nice about it on the phone.
  2. Changed the situation to better match my skills. Eventually my position changed and I was no longer a project manager. This was a great relief to me. I still worked on finding the solutions or work-arounds (what I really liked to do and was good at), and someone else took the phone calls and emails from the clients (I was good at it, but really liked problem solving better). Part of my frustration with getting calls or emails of new problems was it interrupted me when I was working on a solution to an existing problem – because someone else talked with the client – I was able to focus on one problem at a time.

What are things you’ve done when you’ve found yourself in a job that at first glance seems to be one that only focuses on what’s not working?

Photo credit: HA1 by Highways Agency via Flickr

When You Don’t Get Exactly What You Want

by EvieBurke, posted in attitude, Complaining, perspective

Have you ever had an expectation in a situation that wasn’t met the way you wanted it to or envisioned it? You expected x to happen and instead y happened. How did you feel about that? Disappointed, frustrated, maybe upset? Did you focus on what went wrong instead of what went right?

Guess what? You’re normal!

So, what can you do when you find that you’re focusing on what went wrong in a situation?

  1. Recognize you’re feeling that way, that it’s normal and OK
  2. Decide to focus on what went right
  3. Make a list of what went right

It’d be easy enough for me to stop writing there, but I thought you might want to know what prompted this topic. You see, yesterday I ran errands. I had a list of stores and things to get and off I went that morning. I arrived at the first store – an inviting, small and homey shop run by a very nice woman – and told her what I was looking for. She had something similar, but not exactly what I wanted. I had already looked in a few stores for what I wanted, couldn’t find it and I was sure I would have better luck at a small store specializing in what I was looking for. The woman was very frank with me and said I’d probably not find exactly what I was looking for and offered some other really good suggestions.

I decided what I wanted and reached my hand into my purse to pay AND didn’t have my wallet! It was sitting at home next to my computer. I shared this with her and said I’d return in the afternoon. Knowing I traveled about 30 minutes to her store, she offered to ring up my items, send me home with them and I could mail her a check! So, I thanked her, we chatted and I left her my business card and headed home with my new purchases – the rest of my errands on hold for another day because I had no wallet.

On my way home I found myself with one feeling and two thoughts around the previous hour’s events. What do you think the feeling and thoughts were?

Well, I felt disappointed because (1) I didn’t find exactly what I wanted and (2) I had to cut my errands short because I left my wallet at home. Interesting right? Out of everything that happened in a fairly brief period of time that was what I left with.

This is pretty common; you focus on what went wrong or not as planned instead of everything that went right. In the past it would have taken me a day or two to notice that I focused on what went wrong  (if I noticed it at all) and then beat myself up because I was so wrong to focus on that.

However, I feel it doesn’t serve me to stay disappointed and upset, so I followed the steps I outlined above. (1) I acknowledged that I was disappointed and that it’s OK to feel that way and then (2) reviewed the situation for other ways to feel about the morning and (3) listed what was good about the morning’s events:

  • The alternate suggestions that were offered were extremely helpful and things I hadn’t thought of before, lots of value right there.
  • If I ever have any problems with the items I purchased I can go back to the store or call her for suggestions (you don’t get that kind of personalized help at most major chain stores)
  • She allowed me to walk out of the store with over $70 in merchandise that I hadn’t paid for – with only a business card and a promise that I would mail her a check – so I could save an hour of my time later
  • If I choose to I can continue to look for exactly what it is that I want without feeling stressed about it because I have a very good alternative
  • It was a GORGEOUS day out and because my errands were cut short I was able to take a more scenic route home and enjoy the sunny fall day

Go ahead and try this next time you notice you’re focusing on what went wrong. Your mood will change – mine did.

Try it and let me know how it goes in the comments!

It Depends on Where You’re Sitting

by EvieBurke, posted in perspective

I was at an event last weekend with singers and a band. One of the songs they sang included the words “move to the left” and “move to the right.” Of course, when they sang those parts all the singers moved left and right with the words. However, they were facing the audience so when they moved left it was our right and it looked off.

We each view things from our own perspective. I think I’m going left, but from where you sit it looks like I’m going right. And the interesting thing is – we’re both correct.

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” – Anais Nin

Where can you use this insight in your life?