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Long-Term vs Short-Term Happiness

by EvieBurke, posted in Happiness

Have you ever found yourself avoiding certain topics with people because you didn’t want to cause a problem?  I do this.  I like to avoid confrontation and as a result I avoid certain conversations. So, I sometimes avoid talking about what I need to be happy in a relationship because it might lead to an unpleasant discussion.

I realized I was avoiding a couple of topics with my husband the other night.  I also realized that for my long-term happiness I really needed to discuss those things with him, even though I might not be happy with the results in the short-term.  Thinking about having that discussion scared me to death, but I did it anyway.  Thankfully I found that we really are on the same page on those topics.  It also opened the door for him to talk about some topics he had been avoiding.  We have a better understanding of each other now.

I must have felt like I was on a roll, because later that week I called an old friend out of the blue.  She gave my husband and I a gift a few years ago that had some strings attached.  It sits in a cupboard forgotten most of the time, but when I do think about it, oh man, the knots in the stomach!  I decided to call her and tell her that we couldn’t keep it any longer.  It turned out I had completely misunderstood her intention!  I literally felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders.

I’ve found that the longer I wait to have these discussions the more worked up I get, and even if the discussions don’t go as well as those above, they always go better than I expect. We don’t always give ourselves enough credit.

Where are you sacrificing your long-term happiness for your short-term happiness?  We are a long stronger than we think we are.  It’s important that we have those difficult discussions, especially with those we love the most.

Complaining and Small Steps

by EvieBurke, posted in Complaining

I’ve thought a lot about what my first blog post should be. Hoping for a great insight that will be profound and moving. I don’t have that, but I do have my experiences and that will have to be enough. I suppose a good place to start is what  I consider the beginning of my searching for something more.

I was working at a job I tolerated, but I was with people I liked. My commute was 45 minutes to an hour one way because of traffic.  Perhaps not horrible for a commute, but I hated it.  Everyone was working 9-10 hour days as mandated by our bosses.  Between the hours and the commute, I was miserable and complained about it a lot to anyone who would listen. I knew that there had to be more to life than what I was doing and feeling. I used the one resource that I had at my fingertips all day, the internet.  I don’t remember what I was searching for, but I came across an article or blog that was about complaining.  I don’t remember exactly what it was about, but I do remember what I came away from it with: if I’m not willing to do anything to change it, I’m not allowed to complain about it.   I found that complaining just ate my energy and left me in a bad mood. So, I opted to stop complaining.

Sure I could have started looking for another job, but that was completely outside what I felt I was capable of at the time.  So, I stopped complaining and it worked, I started being happier at work.  I changed my attitude and it made all the difference.  I even found a way to avoid an intersection that I always ended up frustrated with.  The detour had a walking path lined with trees on one side and a forest preserve on the other. It was my moment of calm in my commute.

So, you might be thinking, her journey began by staying at a job that she tolerated and not complaining about it? REALLY?!  Yep, that’s how it started for me.  The lesson was in changing my attitude, not in changing my job.  In retrospect I’m sure I could have gotten another job closer to home, but I’m not sure I would have been happier.  I needed to change me before I changed my job. That was the only step that I took for a while, but at the time it was enough.

What small step can you take to move yourself forward in your journey? Whatever it is may not seem like a lot right now, but even small steps move us closer to our goals.